Perhaps Jurgen Klopp’s right and God is a Manchester City fan, there is some evidence to back it up but there are also plenty of moments to suggest God enjoys testing the strength of the fans’ gallows humour. Maybe a run to Champions League Final will make us all believers, with Borussia Monchengladbach standing in their way in the second round. Here’s a team made up from those who played their part when City seemed either blessed or cursed.
Goalkeeper: Nicky Weaver
Not a Premier League moment but one that set the club on its way back to the big time. United seemed like the Manchester club blessed from above in the 1998/99 season and City fans could’ve been forgiven for coveting their neighbour’s success. However, Joe Royle’s side had their own extra-time miracle in the Division Two Play-Off against Gillingham. City trailed 2-0 with just a minute to go, but Kevin Horlock pulled one back before Paul Dickov equalised deep into added time. Nicky Weaver was the hero in the subsequent penalty shootout, saving two Gillingham spot-kicks to send City back to the second tier. If you fancy a goalkeeper challenge, try naming the former City ‘keeper who was embarrassed after having the ball headed out of his hand by an opportunistic Nottingham Forest player.
Right-back: Steve Lomas
Former Northern Irish international Steve Lomas will have to do a job at right-back for this side, having played his part in the tale of Manchester City’s first Premier League relegation. The 1995/96 campaign started terribly for City, with Alan Ball’s men picking up just two points from the opening eleven games. The fight to avoid the drop went down to the last day of the season and the Citizens needed a positive result against Liverpool to ensure survival. God wasn’t smiling down on Maine Road though and Lomas turned a Steve McManaman cross into his own net after five minutes before Ian Rush put the Reds two up. City rallied in the second half and pulled it back to 2-2, with Ball believing the point would be enough for survival as he heard Southampton were losing against Wimbledon. The City boss instructed Lomas to keep hold of the ball and wind down the clock, only to later realise the Saints game was in-fact goalless and his side needed to go in search of a winner. There wasn’t to be one.
Centre-back: Vincent Kompany
A man who helped inspire Manchester City to Premier League titles, FA Cups and League Cups, with some crucial goals scored alone the way. A captain sent from the heavens to lead City through a glorious new era. However, back in 2013, the Belgian hero managed to score one of the most bizarre own goals ever seen in the Premier League after slicing the ball past Joe Hart from a seemingly impossible angle, whilst under minimal pressure from the Fulham attack. Perhaps God was feeling a little miserable that day and misery loves company after all.
Centre-back: Michael Svensson
Former Southampton centre-back Michael Svensson gets in the side, having spoilt Manchester City’s party back in the 2002/03 season. City’s last year at Maine Road went well, cementing their top-flight status under Kevin Keegan and securing a top-half finish after beating Liverpool at Anfield in the penultimate game of the campaign. Southampton seemed like the perfect opponents for City in their final match at the historic ground, with the south-coast side having the upcoming FA Cup Final to focus on. However, Swedish international Svensson bagged the only goal of the match as God stayed loyal to the Saints.
Left-back: Ben Thatcher
Ben Thatcher’s naturally aggressive instincts saw him commit one of the most shocking acts of violence in Premier League history during Manchester City’s clash with Portsmouth in the 2006/07 season. The Welsh international elbowed Pompey’s Pedro Mendes early in the second half, leaving the Portuguese out cold and requiring hospital treatment. Luckily for Thatcher, God forgives our trespasses and the powers that be barely punished him, with the Welsh international’s assault only worthy of a yellow card.
Central midfield: Matt Holland
The 2000/01 campaign marked Manchester City’s first season back in Premier League after four years away. A terrible run of just one win in seventeen games left Joe Royle’s men in need of divine intervention in order to avoid the drop. Unfortunately for them, God’s support seemed to be focused on matters in Suffolk at the time, as fellow new boys Ipswich Town kept turning water into wine all year, exceeding all expectations in challenging for a Champions League spot. The two clubs clashed at Portman Road in early May, with City on the verge of relegation. With just fifteen minutes to go, cult hero Shaun Goater put the away side ahead and gave his side hope of an unlikely escape, but Ipswich captain Matt Holland smashed in an equaliser moments later to quickly quash any hopes of a City miracle. The Tractor Boys went on to win the game and condemn the Citizens to another season of second tier football.
Central midfield: Steven Gerrard
‘Punishment is mine and reward, at the time of the slipping of their feet: for the day of their downfall is near, sudden will be their fate.’ If only Steven Gerrard had read Deuteronomy before Liverpool’s vital clash with Chelsea in 2014 and seen clear evidence that God wears sky blue.
Central midfield: Jamie Pollock
If God takes a personal interest in Manchester City, then God must also love a spot of schadenfreude, with Jamie Pollock’s infamous and unfortunate header past his own ‘keeper in 1998 going down as one of the funniest moments in the game’s long history. If the manner of the goal wasn’t enough, it was scored in a vital 2-2 draw with Division One relegation rivals QPR in the penultimate game of the season. City ended up in the drop-zone, just one point behind Rangers, who stayed up.
Wing-forward: Robinho
‘There is precious treasure and oil in the dwelling of the wise’; City’s takeover was in the bible all along. The club’s new found wealth in 2008 allowed them to compete with the big boys for the big names and Robinho was the first global star to sign for the club. The Brazilian’s arrival acted as the catalyst for the top players to consider City as a viable option and it also gave fans licence to dream bigger than they ever thought possible.
Wing-forward: Raheem Sterling
Part of that dream was the thought of a City captain one day lifting the Champions League trophy, allowing fans on the blue side of Manchester to experience the European nights so cherished by the red side. By 2019, ol’ big ears still eluded them, but the Citizens went into their quarter-final match against Spurs as firm favourites. A 1-0 defeat in the first-leg seemed irrelevant after two Raheem Sterling goals and a strike apiece from Sergio Aguero and Bernardo Silva put City 4-3 ahead on aggregate in a thrilling encounter. However, it seemed God couldn’t get in the ear of the VAR official on the night, with Fernando Llorente making it all square despite a check for handball against the Spaniard. City poured forward in search of a winner to prevent Spurs going through on away goals and it looked as if their prayers had been answered when Sterling found the back of the net again in added time, but VAR ruled it out for offside.
Striker: Sergio Aguero
2-1 down in injury time on the last day of the season, needing to score twice to stop your fiercest rivals from winning another Premier League title, whilst trying to sit atop the pile yourselves for the first time in forty-four years. Klopp must be right after all.
James Wiles – whose Instagram has a whole load more XIs
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