It’s March, and that means another international break is almost upon us. Because international football is very sensible and we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic that has concertinaed this season to unprecedented degrees, there are just the three fixtures to squeeze in. Jose Mourinho has, of course, kicked off the traditional calls at this point asking international managers to please be very, very sensible with the players he is himself picking three times a week.
So, who are the English Premier League players to have racked up the most minutes for club and country this season…
10) James Ward-Prowse (Southampton, 3074 minutes)
Has spent circa 3073 of those minutes taking free-kicks and the other scuffing Icelandic penalty spots.
9) Eric Dier (Tottenham, 3079 minutes)
Currently taking his turn on the Jose Mourinho sh*tlist and subsisting on Europa minutes. John Stones’ resurgence means he can’t be certain of significantly adding to that minutes total during the international break. Can probably have fewer complaints about that than his Spurs banishment. Will still be in the England squad, because he’s a Southgate Ultra.
8) Bukayo Saka (Arsenal, 3085 minutes)
So much football for one so young; 3085 minutes for club and country in 3085 different positions, each of which he’s excelled in. A jack of all trades, master of all. Still has another five months left as a teenager, time we fully expect to see him devote to become a very good goalkeeper.
7) Aaron Ramsdale (Sheffield United, 3330 minutes)
Ramsdale’s five England Under-21 games nudge him up this list ahead of England’s current first-choice three keepers. Jordan Pickford has been in and out of their side and is now injured, Dean Henderson has had to bide his time at Man United, while Nick Pope has played only one non-Premier League game for Burnley this season.
6) Mason Mount (Chelsea, 3337 minutes)
Even that mad Brit-hating German nerd they’ve got now can’t help but pick Super Frankie Lampard’s boy.
5) Declan Rice (West Ham, 3346 minutes)
We’d long thought that Rice needed to leave West Ham and join a proper club with a decent team in order to fulfil his potential. Won’t lie, we hadn’t truly considered the possibility that West Ham might become that decent team. At least The Davids are still in charge, so there’s no imminent danger of them becoming a proper club. Rice has had a proper breakthrough year, though, with the inevitable massive amount of minutes that dictates. Cracking partnership with Tomas Soucek at club level and among the first names on Southgate’s teamsheet these days: 526 of those minutes have come on England duty, second only to Jordan Pickford on that particular list.
4) Harry Kane (Tottenham, 3410 minutes)
And that’s even with the obligatory ankle injury. Jose Mourinho has already confirmed Kane will start against Dinamo Zagreb in the second leg of their Europa League last-16 clash, while pleading with Gareth Southgate to please be sensible with him in the international break.
3) Marcus Rashford (Manchester United, 3441 minutes)
And this doesn’t even count a single one of the minutes he’s spent as Leader of the Opposition and feeding hungry kids. It’s been a busy year. Meanwhile, Manchester United have far too many weary Englishmen in their ranks. Fun fact: If we expanded this to include the Scottish Premiership the top six overworked Englishmen would all be Rangers and United. Apologies to Connor Goldson, Ryan Kent and James Tavernier for not including you. We mean no disrespect.
2) Aaron Wan-Bissaka (Manchester United, 3472 minutes)
Because why would a club like Manchester United bother having any other right-backs? Luckily, England don’t have that same problem. They’ve got absolutely sh*tloads of the fellas, so Wan-Bissaka’s workload, mad enough as it would be anyway, is entirely made up of club minutes. He is still uncapped.
1) Harry Maguire (Manchester United, 4066 mins)
Remember when Manchester United were a shambles and doing mad stuff like conceding six goals to actual Jose Mourinho sides and everyone agreed that a knackered-looking Harry Maguire was a man in desperate need of a rest? Now, we know there were some external factors at play, but it’s still absurd that far from a rest, Maguire has instead spent the last six months playing absolutely all the football and looks far better for it. It might just be that Maguire is one of those people who always looks knackered. Just has one of those faces. He is not, let’s be fair, a man who makes the game of football look effortless or easy. He’s a footballing Gus Fraser, looking absolutely shagged out and pissed off after bowling three balls and yet still coming back to bowl his 27th over of the day at half-six.
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